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Monday, October 29, 2007

fighting a losing battle

I was born a fighter. Been fighting ever since I was born. Been fighting for attention against my siblings. Can you blame me if I was spoiled as a child?! Come preparatory school I fought against going to class. I can still remember how I cried when my Nanay left me that first day of school and the weeks that followed. I was so attached that even when I was in sixth grade during the week-long Central Luzon Regional Encampment in Novaliches, I cried sa tent nila ate after my parents left the campsite. Kaya siguro hindi ko kayang magmigrate abroad coz I get homesick. During high school, I fought against the odds and settled on getting the sixth spot even if I had a late start. Not to mention the wide array of extra-curricular activities I used to belong which was hard to get a balance from my acads. I fought against the competition in UPCAT and the surprised faces of people who can't believe that I really passed UPCAT! Didn't even enroll in review classes just like what others did. While in UP, I fought for survival. Fought the stiff competition of staying or leaving. Settling with my course as against searching for what I really want. In the end, I got my diploma for Statistics. But my greatest fight was in 2005 when Nanay left. She left with a heavy heart, I continued living with a heavy heart. She left without me saying sorry for everything that I've said and done. That sucks! Maybe my ultimate low.

For the past two months, I've been fighting against leaving or staying. I was hostaged by the circumstances and it was hard to escape. Not that I wanted to but the surge of emotions was just overpowering. It was way beyond my emotional capacity. Maybe like a state of nirvana and then suddenly *poof*. Everything's gone! It's as if I was in the brink of collapsing, self-destruction. It's quite surprising that this is how I feel considering it was just a short span of months. Not even the longest. But in this situation, time is irrelevant. A minute may just be a minute to everyone else but may be a century for me. It's as if a forever cut short so unexpectedly. Those two months were a rollercoaster ride. A consistent uphill-downhill ride. But sometimes, that's the best experience that one can have. The thrill of falling and the excitement of fighting to come back on top. But then again, falling helplessly may be the worst experience that one may get. Thinking of waving the white flag scared me. And it scares me until now. I never liked losing. I dont think anyone does. But sometimes, accepting the loss may be the start of healing. A supposedly no-brainer decision. How can you move on to the next if you're in the state of denial all this time. But thinking of all the things that had happened, all the emotions poured in, all the memories shared, all the future plans that went down the drain, still I would want to be in the denial stage. Was this just one of my nightmares? Would it help if you slap me in the face so I can wake up just now? I wanted things just like before. Or do I dream too much?

Now, I'm waving the white flag. I got tired of fighting the losing battle. How can I continue if the very reason I'm holding on has already given me up? Those two months were sufficient to reassess everything. Decisions have been made. Decisions that I can't over-rule and just have to accept as it is. This will be hard. Moments will come when I would still feel at a lost in everything. But this should be the start of healing. And moving on to the next. It may have been a hard habit to break, but I have to move on. Yes, and the song by Christian Bautista will still be my most favorite song. Coz that will remind me that once in my life, I've had you. And I will continue rekindling the memories until I move on to the next.

So may I use the slogan of the new Avon campaign (even if I hate that Arlene Sarmiento so much)...

Sunday, October 21, 2007

AOP day 3

Because of the hangover na nakuha ko from the open bar last night (refer to previous post), late na ako nagising. So yung planong jogging at calisthenics eh hanggang plano lang pala. Nakaikot na sila sa paligid ng Punta Fuego, ako naman umiikot pa rin sa kama habang natutulog. Badtrip lang kasi hindi naman everyday asa Punta Fuego kami hindi ko pa sya naikot. Kaya pag-gising eh diretsong shower na then breakfast ulit. 9am yung next session.

The presentation of the new RI products went well...for them. For us, kelangang pag-aralan lahat kasi syempre kami gagawa nung mga analyses. Ok na rin yun. Added learning kumbaga. Syempre may game ulit. Niloloko ko nga sila kasi wala pa akong napapanalunang group activity. So kelangang manalo kami. We started out fast pero nakahabol yung kabilang group. Betchay kasi...syempre mauuna ang white sa maroon pag alphabetical na descending! hehe. Ayun, second na naman kami. In short, alang prize.

After the three new products were presented, lunch na kami. May mga umuwi na rin at hindi na naglunch. Siguro may mga date. Pero kami...hala LAMON! Kaya pagkasakay ko ng Hi-Ace eh masuka-suka ako sa kabusugan. TRAFFIC!!! Traffic sobra sa SLEX. Weird lang kasi akala namin naghigpit sila because of the Glorietta bombing pero sa SLEX lang masikip. Pagdating sa Magallanes eh maluwag na naman. Ayun, we dropped off sa Ortigas office then I just hailed a cab on my way home.

Overall, the AOP experience was worth it. Kahit na nakakapagod eh enjoy naman. Nakabonding namin lahat, pati na mga direktor. So many learnings and key points na pwedeng gamitin sa work to improve our outputs. Swabe din ang open bar. Sayang lang coz hindi man lang ako nakapagbabad sa tubig. I dont know kung may nagswim pero sayang talaga. Sobrang tight ang schedule. Pero next time babawi ako. Pag afford ko na ang Punta Fuego!!!

Saturday, October 20, 2007

AOP day 2

Day 2 started early. Woke up around 7am then hit the shower after. Then proceeded to the reception cafe for breakfast. Akalain mo yun...tocino at longganisa sa Punta Fuego! Mas masarap pa yung niluluto sa bahay hehe.

At about 9am, we proceeded to the function room for the brainstorming and the presentation of the support teams, including us! Our presentation went on as planned. I believed that we had discussed our plans thoroughly and have seen that we got their attention. Kakatuwa kasi when we presented the stat specs distribution between the two mega's eh nagkatawanan coz syempre mas mataas yung mega B. Hindi ata sila uubra sa kastriktuhan ko! haha. Tapos na! Sa wakas! Next week...back to the Operations boardroom. *sigh*

Kinabahan ako during the activity after our late lunch. Pagkaflash sa projector eh ako leader nung isang team! I knew it. Actually, we knew it kasi halos lahat naging leader na and during that activity puro taga Stat-IT ang leads. Masaya naman kasi the activity was actually a mind-boggling game. Our task was to safely transfer a high-toxic popcorn from its container to another without actually touching its container and spilling the popcorn. We have to use a rope, a plastic cover, and a deflated floater as tools. To make the activity more complicated, we were trapped on an invisible cylinder, no one was allowed to get out of the circled boundary. So we got the plan working. Pero siguro too much carefullness costed our win. We finished several seconds after the other team. Ok na rin at least wala kaming casualty (casualty is when you get hit by the highly toxic popcorn kernels). And syempre, I was tasked to present to everyone what we did, our learnings, and how we can apply it to our processes. Whew!

And then the day finished off with the presentation of our MD. Astig talaga yung mga videos na pinakita nya about some distinguishable athletes from the Olympics. Inspiring.

Then we had our dinner at the marina. And guess what... OPEN BAR TILL 11PM! I had 3 drinks. 2 glasses of Tequila-Pineapple (2 parts tequila, 1 part pineapple) and 1 glass Vodka Sprite (2 parts vodka, 1 part sprite). Ayos ang tama! Nilunod ko na lang lahat ng disappointments, galit, and panghihinayang ko sa mga nangyari. Hilo ako hanggang pagbalik sa cottage. Nagshower lang ako then wala na akong maalala...

Thursday, October 18, 2007

AOP day 1

Nice start! The plan was I won't be sleeping like what I did during the company outing in Subic. I got home around midnight and started packing my things. A little past 1am I took a quick shower to freshen up and then checked my mail and friendster. After which I laid down in bed and just watched TV. I just left my laptop on while it scans for virus. Also, left my phone and camera charging. And then I went blank...

Then I woke up suddenly. Jade was calling asking where I am. Damn! It's already 6am and the call time was 530am. I took a very quick shower then went off. Pucha bakit ngayon pa nangyari to! Kung kelan kasama ko mga direktor. Ayun, badshot na agad hindi pa nagsisimula ang laban.

It's a good thing na rin na we reached Punta Fuego on time. Hindi naman kami yung huling nakarating. Ok na rin yun. Pero hiyang-hiya pa rin ako. What if we were late. Sabon at shampoo ang aabutin ko nito.

And then the planning started with a little introduction given by MD. And then the icebreaker. After grouping ourselves into three clusters, we were to ask a series of provocative questions to the other group, giving one question to a particular person. Everyone will have their turn to be asked and to ask. And just as I've expected, I was asked about my sexual orientation. Not really my day!!!

And then we proceeded with the presentation of the accounts and then another icebreaker. And guess what, our group won the hagisan ng egg! At ang prize...PANYO!!!

Syempre sa sobrang problemado ko sa pagkakalate eh hindi ko na naappreciate yung lugar. Then I got the chance to have a second glimpse at isa lang ang nasabi ko...PUCHA ANG GANDA!!! Parang anytime may kakanta sa may batuhan ng MA-RI-MAR aaawwww... Will be posting some pics tomorrow. Naiwan ko yung cam ko sa bag na dinala na agad sa room namin. Bukas na lang ako babawi sa pics. Buti na lang libre WiFi sa conference room at sa cottage. At bukas rin ng umaga ang presentation ng Stat. Good luck na lang... sa kanila. aaawww!

Wednesday, October 17, 2007

pre-AOP blues

tapos na ang Conjoint report...

tapos na rin ang Conjoint paper...

bukas na ang AOP!!!

handa na ba kayo???

Sunday, October 14, 2007

hard habit to break

I guess I thought you'd be here forever

Another illusion I chose to create

You don't know what you got until it's gone

And I found out a little too late

I was acting as if you were lucky to have me

Doin' you a favor I hardly knew you were there

But then you were gone and it all was wrong

Had no idea how much I cared

Now being without you

Takes a lot of getting used to

Should learn to live with it

But I don't want to

Being without you

Is all a big mistake

Instead of getting any easier

It's the hardest thing to take

I'm addicted to you BABY

You're a hard habit to break

You found someone else you had every reason

You know I can't blame you for runnin' to him

Two people together but living alone

I was spreading my love too thin

After all of these years

I'm still tryin' to shake it

Doin' much better they say that it just takes time

But deep in the night it's an endless flight

I can't get you out of my mind

Now being without you

Takes a lot of getting used to

Should learn to live with it

But I don't want to

Being without you

Is all a big mistake

Instead of getting any easier

It's the hardest thing to take

I'm addicted to you BABY

You're a hard habit to break

Being without you

Takes a lot of getting used to

Should learn to live with it

I don't want to

Being without you

Is all a big mistake

Instead of getting any easier

It's the hardest thing to take

I'm addicted to you BABY

You're a hard habit to break

Such a hard habit to break

Wednesday, October 10, 2007

no trespassing. private property.

Don't you dare trespass on my path again
or you'll get what you deserve...


Lintik lang talaga ang walang ganti!!!

Sunday, October 7, 2007


Linggo na naman syempre dapat gumising ng maaga para sa mass ng 9am. Masesermunan na talaga kami ni Father kasi sermon na lang yung parati naming naaabutan. Pano ang babagal kumilos. Syempre after ng Homily eh offertory na. Ewan ko ba pero nakasanayan na namin na every offertory eh dun kami nakakapag-usap ng mga bagay-bagay at kuro-kuro. Ang topic namin ng ate ko kanina eh...buhok ng Daddy namin.

Syempre late na kami kaya dun na lang kami sa likod. Tapos pinaupo na lang namin si Dad sa vacant seat sa harap namin. So syempre offertory nga di nakaupo ang mga tao. Sa pwesto namin eh kitang-kita naman ang bumbunan ng Dad ko. So napagdiskitahan ng ate ko yung buhok nya. Sabi nya na ampangit daw ng gupit ni Daddy. Eversince kasi, si Nanay na yung gumugupit ng buhok nya. Kahit nung mga bata pa kami si Nanay na talaga. Frustrated beautician kasi yun hehe. Ayun nung namatay si Nanay eh kung kani-kaninong barbero na lang sya nagpapagupit. Eh kakaiba yung gupit nya ngayon. Medyo mahaba sa likod so hindi magandang tignan. Sabi ko nga ako na lang mag-gugupit. Irerazor ko.

Ayun! Ang topic eh nabaling sa buhok ko. Tinanong ni ate bakit hindi na ako nagpakalbo kasi nga mahaba-haba na buhok ko. Sabi ko ayoko na. Kasi nung pinashave ko yung buhok ko eh 3 days akong nagka-trangkaso. Syempre 3 days akong sick leave. Naalala ko nga na nung buhay pa si Nanay eh ayaw nya talagang magpakalbo ako. Kulang na lang eh magmakaawa ako para lang payagan nya pero wala pa rin eh. So sabi ko since 2 years na namang wala si Nanay eh try ko na baka ok na naman sa kanya.

So nung birthday ko this year eh nagpasemikal na ako. Pero syempre may buhok buhok pa rin so hindi counted yun na kalbo. So after a month eh naglakas-loob na akong magpashave. As in KALBO na talaga. Ewan ko ba pero pagkatapos kong mashave ng bumbunan at pagkadating ko sa bahay at kakahiga ko pa lang sa kama eh may tumatawag na sa cellphone ko. Sa office, pinapabalik ako. Uulitin daw yung mga requests na ginawa namin over the weekend. Syempre walang choice kasi RUSH sya. So bumalik nga ako at past 1am na ako nakauwi nun! Ang lamig sa bumbunan pano ang lakas pa ng ulan nun. Kaya siguro ako nilagnat then trangkaso na.

Naisip ko na nagalit siguro si Nanay kasi nga nagpakalbo ako. Kaya ayun kahit nasa heaven na sya eh pinarusahan pa rin ako. Nanay talaga. Kaya ayoko na magpakalbo. Baka kung ano pang parusa ang isunod ni Nanay hehe. Labyu Nanay! Hindi naman counted pag semikal diba!!! =)

Friday, October 5, 2007

SMB oktoberfest 2007


September 28, 2007

Metrowalk Parking Lot

MEPZA Football Field (Mactan City)

Victoria Plaza Mall Parking Lot (Hi-Way Bajada, Davao City)

Magsaysay Drive (Olongapo City)

SideStrip, NE Pacific Mall (Cabanatuan City)

Pacific Mall (Lucena City)

Paseo de Sta. Rosa (Sta. Rosa, Laguna)

Penaranda Park (Legazpi City)

People’s Center (Tacloban City)

People’s Park (Roxas City)

Quezon Park (Dumaguete City)

Provincial Capitol Grounds (A. Velez St., Cagayan de Oro)

October 5: Blue Wave, Macapagal Avenue (Pasay City, Metro Manila)

October 6: People’s Center (Tacloban City), Boulevard (Dipolog City)

October 12 to 13:SSS Lot (Cebu City)

October 13: Park 88 (Zamboanga City)

October 19: Tomas Morato (Quezon City, Metro Manila)

October 20: Dumangas, Iloilo (Iloilo City), Otis Mall Parking Lot (Butuan City)


October 26: Metrowalk Parking Lot (Metro Manila)

Wednesday, October 3, 2007

trying to get the feeling again

Been my favorite eversince I've heard it sung by a very close friend. Today, I'm reminiscin' those good old days. Time really flies fast. I just wish we can just hit pause or rewind once in a while...

At any moment, she'll be walking through that door

She won't find me behind it

'Cause the feeling is gone and just won't come back anymore

I work so hard to find it

I've been up, down, trying to get the feeling again

All around, trying to get the feeling again

The one that make me shiver,

Make my knees start to quiver

Every time she walks in

I've looked high, low

Everywhere I possibly can

But there's just no trying to get the feeling again

It seemed to disappear as fast as it came

Read every book, look for every meditation and poem

Just to bring home that old sweet sensation

But it ain't no used to me,

Trying to get the feeling again

Where did it run to?

I thought I'd done all that I could

To keep the love burning

But whatever I've done,

I just haven't done it too good

Cause all that's left is yearning

I've been up, down, trying to get the feeling again

Like a bloodhound searching for a long lost friend

Could you help me rediscover

The way to re be her lover once again

Read every book, look for every meditation and poem

Just to bring home that old sweet sensation

But it ain't no used to me,

To try and get that feeling

I want to get that feeling again

I've been up, down, trying to get the feeling again

I've been up, down, trying to get the feeling again

I've been up, down, trying to get the feeling again

Trying to get the feeling again